he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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