sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
