I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
