If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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