its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
