just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
now i know why i became what i already was.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize