My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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