Apparently you make a good broom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
