i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
