First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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