Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did i walk over a car last night?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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