you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
