It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
