Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
