it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
