sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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