Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
