I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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