im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
