Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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