no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize