That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
