Yo dont text me then not text me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
