i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
