i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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