Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
