Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
