But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
