I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
