Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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