He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
