Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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