Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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