Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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