Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
