i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
