Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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