At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
