okay pat passed out under dana's car
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
