i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
