Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
