Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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