i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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