quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize