What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
