Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
