she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
