i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
