The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
