I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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