This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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