guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
