just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
