someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize