I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
