20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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