We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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