...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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