so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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