I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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