...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
