I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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